This post discusses mental health, past struggles with self-improvement and self-acceptance, and the pressures of New Year's resolutions and expectations. 

Navigating the pressures of a new year

New Year, a time which often brings with it pressure to make resolutions or set goals, fuelled by a constant flow of “New Year, New You” messages that sweep across the media. This is written in solidarity and support for anyone who finds all of this New Year noise frustrating, overwhelming, or quietly painful. 

Whilst it can be an opportunity to pause and reflect, if you’d like it to be, it doesn’t have to be. New Year’s resolutions aren’t obligatory, and we could also choose continuity and keeping things the same.

Trapped in cycles 

As an undiagnosed (and completely unaware) AuDHDer, I spent many years trapped in a constant cycle of ‘fixing’ and ‘changing’ myself. The result? Accumulating a mountain of part-read self-help books (generally around communication,) along with many years struggling greatly with my mental health. It was exhausting, as I attempted to decode an endless list of baffling social rules and expectations. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, I still felt the same sense of difference that I began with, and that I wasn’t quite fitting in.

Thank goodness I found a way to escape that cycle.

Space to breathe

Because I realised that I am okay, as I am. Discovering that I’m both Autistic and ADHD allowed me to slowly make sense of how my mind works, to begin to see who I always was. To value my differences and notice my strengths, whilst equally validating the challenges I face, and the support needs I have. 

We know that processing a diagnosis or self-identification isn’t an overnight process. It takes time and brings with it a whole barrage of emotions. But eventually it allowed me to breathe.  

And yet, when the New Year arrives once again, it can still feel like a test, having spent all those years trying to “fix” and “change.” A test that sits uncomfortably close to some of those past experiences.

The noise we didn’t ask for

From fitness to nutrition to being more productive, we’re bombarded with tips, routines, challenges, products and shiny “solutions”. A whirlwind of answers and fixes we didn’t necessarily ask for. Years ago, even if I managed to dodge all of this, the second wave would hit as soon as I returned to the office after the Christmas break. The inevitable diet chatter and new fitness routines. If I ever needed noise-cancelling headphones, it was then. It’s a time of year I’m now mindful of what I’m surrounding myself with and how to tune out. 

Watching resolutions unravel

I’m not anti-goals. Despite my preference for certainty and routine, I’m not anti-change. And I’m not anti-doing things that support health and wellbeing.

But those earlier experiences taught me a lot about chasing goals or making changes that were unrealistic, unhelpful, and crucially, never designed with me in mind. I would set resolutions, watch them unravel by mid-January (likely due to distraction or hyperfocus), and feel like I had failed. Every single time. I’ve felt the exhaustion of comparing myself to “norms” and expectations that didn’t fit my nervous system, my mind, or my body.

What I actually needed

What I actually needed was space to work out what ‘healthy’ looks like for me. What routines genuinely support me day-to-day. And how to gently let go of productivity as a measure of worth. That last one is still my biggest challenge and a work in progress, especially with an ADHD brain running at supersonic speed, and never truly switching off.

Are there new things I’d like to try this year? Could I tweak my routines so they support me a little better? Are there things I’d like to focus on and achieve?

Yes. Yes. And yes.

But none of those ideas, which may, at some point, turn into intentions or actions, need to revolve around the New Year hype. And they certainly don’t need to begin on January 1st. When they do happen, they’ll happen in ways that work with me, not against me.

New Year, in my own way. (I feel a theme emerging here, see my last post about Rediscovering Christmas: the AuDHD Way.)

Somewhere in the middle

So, if I imagine “New Year, New You” at one extreme, and me completely ignoring the New Year in sheer defiance at the other (totally okay and valid), I started to wonder whether there’s a place somewhere in-between. A grey area. (If you could see my face grimacing right now, you’d get a sense of how I feel about that word.)

What do I need?

Last year, I explored the in-between and I decided to experiment with a new idea. At the start of the new year, I asked myself just one question: What do I need?

I didn’t write a list of goals or resolutions. I created a mind map of ideas and supports that might help across different areas of my life. They weren’t demands or expectations. They were there if I needed them. And then the year happened. Sometimes, I forgot to return to that question. And that’s okay. But as the year flashed by, I learnt more about myself, perhaps because I stayed open to noticing, and to asking myself again: what do I need?

What New Year means to me now

For me, New Year is no longer about change, resolutions, or goals that set me up to fail. It’s a chance to ask:

• What do I need right now, not to change myself, but to support myself?

• What already works for me that I want to protect or return to this year?

• And if I let go of the productivity scramble and a few more “shoulds”, what does that create space for in everyday life?

Moving into 2026, in your own way

Finally, whatever New Year means to you, however you choose to mark it, or not, I wish you well as you transition into 2026, in whatever way feels right for you.

Remie (she/her) is a Neurodivergent Speaker, Trainer, and Writer. Her work is founded on lived experiences, reflective practices, and professional experience. She is passionate about working together to create a more neuro-inclusive world to live, work and belong; a world that supports Neurodivergent wellbeing.